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But therein lies the rub: how does he know which women are "right"?

Our evolving male has tried, with those few cells in his brain devoted to self-knowledge, to wrestle with this question.

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Nor am I condoning, excusing or endorsing men's methods. "Besides," I hear them say, "we women are forgiving of men's looks -- why can't men return the favour?

We will take a clear-eyed look at that question, and maybe we will find that the truth has some redeeming qualities. They don't proceed in a politically correct, enlightened way to select a woman. Evolution wants the mating process to succeed, and so it makes sure that men home in on that which will be conducive to success, regardless of how unrefined this strategy may be. "Well, it's because the genes that triggered that kind of behaviour had the best chance of survival down through the ages, until all the men who were left had those genes." In other words, an obsession with reproduction leads to a better reproductive score . Right online.) Now let us ask, what are men looking for? If you're feeling cynical, your answer may be, "Cameron Diaz." Or if you happen to look like Cameron Diaz, your equally discouraged answer may be "Kiera Knightly." But this is so wrong it is laughable. A face that strikes one man as masculine may seem feminine to another. Men -- regardless of their conscious attitude to having kids--are designed to look for good reproducers; a low waist-to-hip ratio of around .70 signifies "likely to be a success at bearing children." (Larger waists relative to the hips have been linked to lower estrogen levels, less body fat available to sustain pregnancy and lower fertility.) And in both sexes, facial beauty is associated with grace, intelligence, popularity and, in general, fitness for survival.

The first thing we need to face about men is this: they are animals. They may end up valuing her for the "right" things, the things she wants to be valued for. But no matter how strange men are, if you're a woman who wants to meet the right man, you have to clue in to how men think. Men's eyes are always wandering, seeking out that which they could and would impregnate. Shameful attraction Men are, in the first place, looking for "attractive." Now what on earth does that mean? A face that strikes Tom as sexy may look shallow to Harry. So forget about how superficial men may be and realize that they, like you, are hard-wired in mysterious ways, which may or may not be as shallow as you think.

(Okay, "think" is a bit of a stretch.) If you try to change men or just don't get them, you'll be stymied -- but if you accept how they are and forgive them and work with them, you will have enormous power and effectiveness. Well, the good news is, it means completely different things to different men -- but it almost always involves a combination of face, and body shape and size. Many men in our culture like slender, athletic female figures -- some men really do, and some say they do, because they are ashamed of admitting anything else to their male peer group. But many men in our culture do not want a slender woman: they want someone with riper curves, someone who is larger, more "Rubenesque." Some men like pear-shaped women; some men like inverted pears. And some men don't really care that much about body size or shape. Ralph may hate a lot of makeup on a woman, while Shawn considers it a turn-on. Even in the realm of extremely good-looking celebrities, you will find a whole gamut of opinions. (Fortunately, many of them don't toe the evolutionary line anyway--apparently their wiring has come loose.) Take faces, for example.

It's clear that we read far more in a face than looks. We look into the eyes of the person we are talking to, and we feel as if we can tell who they are, deep down -- what they value, what they love.

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